Sperm

sperm

Just read that smoking affects your sperm count well let me tell you for the record, I didn’t count sperm before I started smoking and am not going to start counting the little buggers now, so no it’s not affected me one bit.

the pope

Saw the Pope on the news conducting a service, Now with all the money the catholic church has you would think they would buy the Pope a new Air Freshener, instead of making him swing that old thing on a chain around.

Whilst  we are on the subject of religion,

Question:- How do you get a Nun pregnant?

Answer:- Dress her up as a Choirboy.

Odd Food

A Mum and dad are out doing their weekly shop, and while browsing the meat counter they see a joint of Venison, never having tried it before the ask the Butcher what animal it is, to which he replied it’s Deer.

Wanting to try something different they buy the joint of Deer for their evening meal and finish the shopping.

That evening at meal time the Mum and Dad decide to make a guessing game of the meat on the table.

They call their two young children Johnny and Jenny to the table and ask them what meat they think it is , the two children start guessing, is it Beef, is it Pork ,Is it Chicken, is it Lamb, they eventually give up and ask for a clue.

The Dad speaks up and offers a clue,  your Mum sometimes calls me this,
At this point Little Johnny screams at his sister don’t eat it its an asshole.

Cheese

At the supermarket this week, I fancied some cheese so I went up to the deli counter and stood waiting to be served.

On the other side of the counter an arrogant young lad was busy ignoring the customers including me, so I shouted to him,
Excuse me you annoying little snot can I have some cheese please.

He looked me straight in the eyes and muttered BellEnd.

I said if thats the only cheese you have it will have to do, I just want to make a sandwich.