NOT THE NEWS

Hello and Welcome to Not The News

Global news

In an effort to avoid confusion in the middle east conflict due to the regional dress code being so similar,
The allied local front line forces are being advised to wear bright yellow clothing to differentiate them from both the

public and the enemy insurgents, those who comply with this will be known as the Lemon Kurds.

Also those that opt to leave the struggle and flee to a safer country will be renamed Been Kurds.

And finally anyone who doesn’t enter into a different gender relationship , but doesn’t remain single will be seen as a Fruit Kurd.

Politics

At last all the major political parties have agreed that a lot more money needs ploughing into mental health.
It was suddenly realised when it was revealed that a large number of delusional adults were found spouting utter

nonsense and incredible stories in a large building with a huge clock tower in the centre of London.
It is thought that with the right care and treatment they may eventually be able to co-exist alongside the general public.

The Northwest Weather

The weather in the north west is expected to be windy in bedrooms due  to the salad sitting on the top of the kebabs and the lager and takeaways heading south overnight.
The morning weather seems to be mainly windy with sudden urgent downstream’s taking hold initially to be followed by milder gusts and eventually average weather for this time of the year, it is expected that this pattern of weather will continue over the weekend until the beginning of the week when the pressures should balance out until the next weekend when the same weatherfront may return due to a sudden influx of wages, this is the northwest weather forecast goodnight.